Wanted to expand upon our confusions

Yet the screen in front of me is some jumbled  collection of words

and they reach out with brittle fingers and air and life sunk away 

There is a pain behind my head.  It unsettles me like the pain that perpetuates in an

ongoing rhythm to which I know I dare not want to hear.

I am terrified, stuck in this medicated state where the words I type are never clear

nor even visible to my eyes.

Yet... I want someone, somehow to understand when the cloud its and the level of disorientation  that champions my thoughts

 from that moment onward.

I wish so much to possess the ability in these last minutes of lucidity as my eyes start to battle with my body as things shut down so express my gratitude....and the necessity if your existence in my life.

My rock...

I cannot even see the words I am typing.  they saunter around my brain,dancing in silks and satins with oblong masked faces laughing as I wonder confused....wanting to reach you, wanting you to hold to me and make me feel save and wanted, even though you have pushed me away, into the disillusions shadows that are tearing my mind asunder.