The Lost Art of Friendship

I can be overwhelmingly old fashioned.  Funny as it is, with my multiple computers, gaming systems, high tech gadgets covering the house... there are parts of my personality which hearken back to (as much as I hate to admit it) a "simpler time" as it were.  Perhaps I am the epitome of that character in so many 19th century novels which fills her heads with books and creates this ideal of people that in the end, is too much for any common person to handle.  At the same time, I also believe that somewhere in the realm of humanity, there are others like me who have standards, which while are very high... have merit and value.  
My first encounter with it had to be Little Women or  Anne of Green Gables...  the idea of the bosom friend, the kindred spirit...the other half of the whole in friendship who, regardless of the obstacles or the odds...would cherish you as a friend and be there no matter what...  It is an utterly romantic notion.  Beth and Jo... Anne and Diana and later in my life... Jane Eyre and Helen Burns... a bond, a closeness that was without obstacle, no matter how harsh the consequences, friendship for them meant everything and they would risk life and limb to protect the other.


I've never had one of those friends.  It's some sort of romantic fantasy at this point.  Now, I don't truly count family in this... my husband and I are more times than not...two peas in a pod, but he is my husband and bias.  LOL.  As I get older though, I realize I have fewer and fewer friends.  This is a personal choice, I think I have stopped caring to put on appearances to make people happy... I am who I am, flaws and all, I am pig headed, strong willed, emotional, outspoken, slightly selfish, a bit haughty, and... relentless, but I am me and if you can't accept me for all of it, then what is the point anyway?  


I think, truly though...there is once incident that really solidified it for me... and it was a very long time ago and since then, I've had this view of friendship unbending...that if you cant stick your neck out for your friend...you might as well not be their friend at all.


I was in middle school, a shy, unsure of myself and awkward girl of 13 who was highly intelligent for my age but not as much emotionally developed.  My parents put me in a private middle school which was the worst fit possible for me...not very academic, focused on sports and status and with a high level of what we would now call the "redneck" factor... uncultured, I stuck out like a sore thumb.  I tried now.. I became a cheerleader, I ran track, I played softball...to no avail.  No boys liked me, I got kicked in class by other kids, picked on, and shunned.  I had one school friend who had also come over with me from Elementary school, we were close friends... we still talk now... she lived right down the road... but we weren't close friends at school.  She would always tell me we could hang out at her house but not at school...she didn't want her friends to give her a hard time for hanging out with me.  So... there were parties I wasn't invited to, things I got left out of and yet, I stayed a loyal and good friend... because we hung out constantly at her house or mine...away from school of course.


Years later... a more confident person... I would have never even allowed for such a slight, if someone doesn't want to be my friend 24/7....then they are not worth it.  But... I now hold people to pretty rigid standards.  If you cant be there when its easy and when its hard, then I would rather not have you there at all.   I want the true friends... the Diana Barrys, the Jo Marchs, and the Helen Burns of the world....