People

I would never say once that I am not a fickle person, I am.  I am very particular about a lot of things and thankfully I have a very easygoing husband who accepts all my idiosyncratic ways in stride.  I will also say this, I have friends who do the same.  My friend Kyle seems to know me pretty well... he understands my social yet unsociable side and accepts it and pretty much caters to it.  We hang out a little bit, once or twice a week...going to get coffee for about 45 minutes and heading home... and thats it and its great.
I have other friends who pretend to know me... and perhaps thats pushing it... but it feels that way.
its like...hey I am gonna offer you to go do something with the full understanding that you are going to say no and when you mention not doing anything, I am going to bring up the fact that I offered regardless if the circumstances would mean you would most likely say no.  I don't know if that is not knowing a person or knowing them so well that you consciously choose when to offer assistance with the knowledge that assistance will be turned down.
I say empty offers, I don't really know if thats what it is.


I am often extremely unsociable and sometimes that can go to the extreme when i am tired, when I have a lot on my mind...when I am stressed...
Which one of those am I right now... all of them...
I am worried about work aka pay
I am worried about my education as I am currently in the limbo between an undergrad degree and a masters program.
I am worried about what I want to do and what I physically can do... I have a disease and with each passing year I realize just how much say that disease has in my progression.
I am worried about other people's expectations....  I want people to acknowledge me for the person that I am...to recognize what talents I have and when they dont... I wont lie and pretend like ti doesn't bother me... I am not an ordinary typical person, I don't want to be treated as such.
Right now I am stressed out and I am more stressed by the fact that a close friend offered to help under the circumstances of knowing I wouldn't accept it and to act oblivious/ innocent in it...really bothers me because it only plays to the idea that if one would make such a mistake...that the person didn't know me well at all.
We want to be surrounded by people who not only care about us but care about the people we are and right now it feels like thats not the case with some of my friends.
It makes socialization a desolate idea.