Attempts at Writing

So I published a small book, which I linked below.  Its my first attempt so it it rough at best, I wanted to see what this publisher's finished product looked like before I tried again, I already know some things I will do differently....but you have to start somewhere.
A 24 page poetry and photo book...

The breeze of a growing summer filters through open windows
welcoming cool waves of air to push away moist heat.
A few brave moths lightly dance around the porch light
rusted in places and cracked in others
The lilies are dying
wilted ivory petals sadly draped across green plastic
I tried to grow them this year
watered them daily
attempted to protect them from the lethal heat
to no avail
Ive been sitting on this porch step for at least twenty minutes
and the sweat pouring down my back
making odd lines against my gray cotton shirt
serves as evidence
I think here
under the dying lilies
surrounded by the brave moths and illuminated by the rusted porch light
I think about when things will get easy
when I wont be drowning
in sea of things I cant control
My hair is sticking to my forehead
and my mind wanders to crimson veils and red tent dresses
with pictures for words and a world where all is forbidden
blessed be
or praise be
or the lines where fiction and reality blur and you feel trapped either way
I chose the path of fate and foreshadow 
constantly questioning some sort of dark fate looming over me
and shaking my fist at a black and cloud covered sky
As the stars are sleeping and do not wish to be disturbed
I could wish upon my rusted porch light
for relief
Its not the way of things

No School!

The next few weeks are a nice break.  The rigorous flow of schoolwork and work kind of slows to just working a regular schedule and I don't have to worry about reading something or turning in something else, which makes me feel like I have a heavy weight off my shoulder.  With that being said, it will all return soon enough...as the first week of Summer Semester looms in the near future, but to enjoy this time of relaxation is lovely.  I feel like I have time to myself to do things for myself that I enjoy.
And...do not get me wrong, it is not like I do not enjoy the exercises in research and study when dealing with History, I love it...but having a break to breathe is important as well.
I'm still a bit stressed, money is tight and medication is expensive and all that jazz, but things just feel a bit more sunny.
Which is why I took a lot of pictures outside the last few days.

I'm not a big fan of Mother's Day, and I havent been for a long time.  I kind of resent the day, I mean Im glad moms out there can celebrate and be appreciated but... its just hard for me to deal with it.
I guess Im bad and selfish and I dont think about my daughter a lot... but on days like mothers day, I hate the hole loser her left.

Yes!

THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT


I am done with my Senior Research Seminar.... one step closer to graduation.

A Poem

I thought of lines
pretty ones
that flowed off the lips
like rain off a spring petal
longed to write them
inside the flap of the old book
I had to have
three dollars
a bargain indeed
It spoke of battlements
and corpses green with the plague
and I found it beautiful
we listened to poetry
with the symphony of sirens
as there was no air
just open windows
looking out into the back lot
the building was covered 
in fresh green vines
my mind kept wandering
far away
to the vines
to the small yellowed book 
nestled on the shelf beside me
a childrens book
for children with beds of stone
later I drank cold beer 
from a frosty mug
I wanted to go home 
find the warmth of my bed
and never leave
filled with poetry and beer
sirens