Thoughts

2009 / Rain Forest / Puerto Rico 

It is a little after 7 AM at the Wilson abode, I am the only one up and the sun is starting to lighten the sky, I have a paper due today so I am hurrying to finish the book and get some words down to turn it, it will not be my best work... but under the circumstances, I will accept it.

Things have changed over the last year.  While looking through some computer files on my laptop to transfer to my PC I ran across some photos I took of our Christmas tree, our dogs, etc right before the holidays last year.  I had a tightly cropped short haircut, friends were different, lives were different... and I am glad things have changed.

I had a moment this week where I literally felt like I saw clearly for the first time about some things in my life, perhaps its the fact that we are having a child in a few weeks, perhaps its maturity or the tempo of life, but I realized that some of the things I agonized over, the people I agonized over... were not worth it, for one reason or another.  We all have our paths, what we want to do/be, what we want out of life and I realized over the past year I want a happy life with my family and my few honest and good friends... 

So things will continue to change, and I realize that I like that change, I am not afraid of it, I think change is a good thing, its healthy and natural and the past is just that... things that happened before that have no real bearing or importance on the here and now.  

Over the next year I plan on raising my son with my amazing husband, I plan on getting closer to finishing Graduate School and moving on towards working on a PhD, I plan on getting things in order, preparing for the future, and hopefully going somewhere that my little family will thrive. These are all obtainable and good goals, they require work, adaptation, and a willingness to bend and change and I think I am up for that.... I think that holding on to shadowed remnants of a projected past that never really existed is a bad thing and I will not and would not do it.   

I would like to travel again, explore other worlds and other societies, I find that so invigorating and hopefully we can instill that sense into our son and he can experience the world, be open to different things and ideas and learn from them all...

I hope to be less pessimistic and negative and worrisome, which means letting go of some of the things that cause me stress, which I have been working on doing.  I will continue that over the next year.

In all honesty, this may all change, we never know what the world might present to us, but I am going to work towards these things with a positive attitude.