Of course, being a mother has pretty much changed everything.
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| How can you not love this guy????? |
That has been hard for me, learning that while I can maintain my strength of conviction about all of the things I believe in, but understand that petty political squabbles amount to absolutely nothing in the end. Avoiding caustic and unproductive arguments while also working hard to fight for things I believe in because I truly think that working to fight hate, poverty, and ignorance will make a better world for my son is difficult because while I do not want to just mindlessly argue with someone who does not want to even look at an issue from a different perspective... I do want to at least open a door to eradicate misconceptions and intolerance. I know a lot of people who hold a great deal of animosity for the poor, for other races, for other religions, or anyone who is "different" and I just don't want to say I willingly lived in a world full of that and passed it on to my son without trying to make a change.
I want to show my son that when he looks at another person, the only thing he should feel is compassion...not threat, not animosity, but understanding because no matter what, we are all the same. Its not about if they get a welfare check or what they do with it, its not about what they believe, who they love, or how they feel...its about people accepting people for the flawed and amazing creatures we are.
2013 has been a year of being closer to my husband, learning to deal with financial struggles to get what we truly want, and making our little family unit work. In the end, although we have a large number of amazing people who love us and support us, we want to be us and happy with our choices. I've had a hard time accepting the fact that currently I am contributing very little financially which causes us to have some really stressful moments. Going from working full time and bringing home a decent check to nothing because we've decided that education and my pursuit of that education is paramount has caused me to continually become anxious about a lack of significant contribution. I spend a lot of time reading and having to isolate myself to get a mounting pile of school work done in order to make the grades I feel I need to succeed. (A's) I feel guilty because at night I have to lock myself up in a room and miss out on family time...I feel even more guilty when bills come in and I know we are in such a tight spot because I am in school. At the same time, I'm almost done with Graduate School and I've maintained a nearly perfect GPA (I've made one B). I think I am producing some of the best work of my academic career and I think I am only getting better with time, my passion for history, my passion to keep going is growing and I truly desire to keep that momentum because I want my son to have an understanding and an appreciation for history that I fear is fading in society.
2013 has been a time of change regarding other relationships in my life. Most of my friendships have changed over the past year, some for better and some not, but I think all in a productive way, a way that will move forward and make everyone involved happier.
2013 made me realize how much I miss traveling, or being in a bigger place... I want to move. I do not want to move because I loathe the place I am, I've actually started to have an appreciation for some of the gems of culture and awesome in my small place on the planet... From Ocmulgee to the public Fishing hole a bit south of here... This is not a hopeless or horrible place, its just not for me. I plan on working really hard towards my goal of moving to a city.
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| London, England 2011 |
I hope all of my readers (all 3 of you) and my friends and family have a Happy Happy Holidays and a roaring and awesome 2014.
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