Grad School?!??!

I think this happens to every Grad Student at one time or another...that moment where you realize you have no life, going out to even get dinner or have a moment to yourself makes you feel guilty, or getting up at all hours of the morning becomes old hat (just to finish the project due in a day)... you stop and go... why the hell am I doing this???

I do it, constantly...  Why?  Because this is not easy.  I lament the fact that when I get invites to go hang out with my friends ( I do not get many but there are these rare moments where people like my company), 99.9% of the time I have to pass...  I hate that my weekends are bombarded with hurried efforts of finishing a book by Saturday because I have a paper due Sunday (Just think how excellent my papers would be if I had days to do them), and its upsetting that my husband and I get rushed moments to spend together.  Granted, I am taking an overly full load and will change that next semester... but the weight is still there and after talking to other grad students that are friends, I know they feel the same... its hard.

Now... that being said.  It is worth it and I chose this path.  For some insane reason, I want to be an academic.  I want to teach college, I want to research, I want to write really boring scholarly history books that only other historians who have chosen the path to insanity will read and its not just a slight want... it is a passion.  I have never been so driven to do anything in my entire life as I am to become a professor (let me rephrase, beyond having a little family that my husband and I are forming right now).  At first when I went back to school it was to get a degree to get out of Retail (an environment I have worked in for seventeen years now...a rough environment)  due to the stresses of the job and the fact that Rheumatiod Arthritis and retail do not exactly mix well.   Quickly though (and I blame a few professors who pushed me to be a perfectionist and love the field), my goals changed and set themselves.  Since then, since 2007, I have worked diligently towards my goal and now...half way though Grad School, I remind myself constantly why it is I do what I do.  

Grad School, higher education beyond a four year degree is not for everyone, and its not meant to be.  To be honest, I think the standards we set on education and the way in which we conduct education on the college level does not really mesh well with the professional world.  There are a lot of jobs now that require degrees (does not matter what the degree is in) just to get someone in the door and I do not believe that is always necessary.  I also do not think that it is a mark of lesser intelligence for someone to have not gone to college...just like grad school, its not for everyone and its not important for everyone.  There are tons of erroneous and what I like to call BS degrees out there that take up time, money, and available funds just to get someone through the system...have them owe tens of thousands of dollars, just so they can get a job equal to what I get paid now in my retail job.  I do not think that is worth it or fair to the person.  In addition, there are some fields that need specific levels of training and should...just train in that field... I think we as a country have begun to look down at these technical yet vital jobs... you may dog a plumber for what he does...but I tell you this, that plumber does an important job and makes a ton more money than I ever will!  I also know people who are BRILLIANT, but just do not mesh with school...school is tedious, its time consuming, its not always what you need and it can really bring you down when you are working your ass off to do something that in the end will not benefit you at all.  I think people should get the school they need to do what they want that makes them happy... if that means high school, technical schools, a certificate, an undergraduate degree, a masters or PhD...then so be it!  Right now school seems to be TOO for profit and not enough about educating a person to enable them to do what they want.  /end rant.

So today... I am finishing up "American Lion" so I can write a paper on it tomorrow and start another book so I can write a paper on it by Wednesday... its stressy and hard, but its worth it for me.  BUT... if you know a Grad Student, hell if you know any student at all...give them some slack, do not ever dismiss the amount of work they have to do because it is not easy.