Discovering "The Feminine Mystique"

Growing up with two working parents in a middle class home is pretty much easy living to some extent.  My sister and I had the proper support at home from parents who both nurtured our needs and also pushed us to be whatever we wanted to be, even if that conflicted with what they thought we should be.  
I was never told to go to college to find a husband.  I was told I should go to college to get a good education.
I was never told that because I was a girl, there were certain things I should want to do like be a wife and a mother and while I was encouraged to do "girly" things, there was always someone in my family encouraging my intellectual curiosities and telling me to do whatever I wanted to do... no matter how challenging.  

I had two grandmothers who came from post WWII America, one who served in WWII in Europe and the other who also worked her entire life and BOTH were strong, assertive, and independent females who never told me to settle for anything but what I wanted out of life.  

So the world of the housewife was this alien thing that I literally saw on television and never experienced for myself.

Yes I am married... I have been married for almost 13 years to one of the most amazing people on this PLANET.  He too is progressive, intelligent, and he would NEVER put constraints on his wife... this man is willing to put himself through any hell necessary for me to achieve my dreams of obtaining a PhD and becoming a college professor.  He has never referred to by body as some asset, he's never made me feel like an item or a toy or some sexual object... and I will be honest, he is one of the only males I know who hasn't. I have friends who cannot speak about a woman and not sound horribly sexist and misogynistic... treating women whether they know it or not like lesser creatures... objects and that is disgusting.   
Adam spends time telling me I'm a genius, loving me for who I am, and fixing me dinner after he gets home from work... he is beyond amazing...  He doesn't treat me like a woman, he treats me like a person, an equal, no different.

So in essence... I have had a considerable amount of support throughout my life.

Reading Friedan's iconic The Feminine Mystique shocked me and the responses I have read to it have shocked me more.
Her book involved the diminished status of middle class housewives in the 1950s and how these women, void of identity were miserable and suffering.  They were taught by the media, society, academia, and everyone around them that a woman's true place was as a doting housewife and mother and that role was the only role that would be sufficient and fulfilling to women.  Friedan addressed the sentiment in the world that women who wanted to be single, who didnt want children, or who wanted careers were somehow off and wrong and a woman should be innocent, doll like and subservient to a man. 
I hated reading the book, not because I thought Friedan was wrong or the women were whining (many of the things I read in response even now responded to these obviously unhappy women as lazy whiners and that shocked me... how can we dismiss such unhappiness and depression...)  One person talked about how they would LOVE TO BE A LAZY HOUSEWIFE... and I thought to myself... how strange and wrong...and dismissive.  

First... just because a woman stays at home and takes care of a family and does not have a job does not mean they live a life of leisure and luxury.  Taking care of a child is hard work, it is a job and its often a full time, no rest, thankless job... so to dismiss that as lazy is ignorant.  

Second... not every person is geared for a specific role just because their gender.  I kind of despise gender roles.  Not everyone wants to be a wife or a mother and that is OK.  Not everyone wants to be a husband or a father and that is OK.  Some people want to do those things, but they also want to have jobs or hobbies or careers...and thats OK.

What I learned from The Feminine Mystique is that anything that deprives a human being of a sense of identity is dangerous... and in Friedan's study... the root of that deprivation was society.

Even today we have a hard time letting go of anachronistic gender roles that limit people.

For example...  I've heard  "Its nice your husband lets you go to school."  Nice person, wasn't being vicious or rude or condescending... and so I wasn't offended.  It was just a reminder that some of these gender role things still exist.

Women are still looked at as objectified almost flat creatures.  When I have people my age who have some sort of inner belief that women should be dominated or are sexual objects and are thought of as these almost plastic giant boobed and dumb things they see in porn instead of thinking, intellectual, equal creatures... it tells me we have a LOOONG way to go.  

I just read in one of the books I am studying that one state had a law that pretty much said that once a woman says "I do" and is married to a man, he cannot for any reason be accused of raping her and that law didn't get repealed until the 1990s!

Another law said it was acceptable to beat your wife except for certain days of the week... I AM NOT KIDDING... that law existed until the late 1960s.

Basically I realize the reason I do not enjoy my women's history class has nothing to do with the content not being interesting... and more to do with the fact that reading this stuff infuriates me.  

The Feminine Mystique  did a few things for me...
It made me appreciate choice.  A woman should have the same choices as a man in regards to what they want to do with their lives... marriage, family, career, whatever they want to do...it should be acceptable and not frowned upon.
I want to be a wife and a mother, but I also want to be a professor.
A friend of mine wants to be a mom and maybe get a job too if she has time.
another friend of mine has no interest in marriage or children.

My son will grow up to look and respect a woman as an equal just like his father was raised to think.  

After the discussions I've read in regards to The Feminine Mystique where one guy said women should submit to men because the bible said so and also said that since feminism happened divorce has risen... and after just listening to people I know talk about women, I know we have a long way to go... especially since the last two years politically have been steps back for women.... we wont even get into "Legitimate rape" and other disgusting comments like it...

I suggest every woman I know read The Feminine Mystique... it will make you angry, but its interesting to know what middle class women in the 50s had to contend with and how society attempted to force them into a peg they truly didnt fit into.  
All women need is equal identity and choice, I don't understand how in 2013... that is so hard to accomplish.