The wind ushered in a chill

Whispering across the empty streets

Caressing the leaves of moving trees

Lingering, the hand of winter remains.

Remnants of early bloomers fall

Defeated to the cold earth

Bits of dirt and dead grass

Mingle with the crimson petals

I find myself longing for spring

Aching for the warmth of the sun

Recoiling from the icy pangs

As winter hovers over, unmoving

Tendrils of smoke glide by

Leaving paths of ash behind

Along with the scent of clove

Comforting with thoughts of warmth

Ivory Tower...

I was told today that I need to get out of my ivory tower and live in the blood and beer.  I don't really comprehend what it means, but it was one of those breaking point moments where I realize the failings of something like facebook.  Someone who knew me oh, 14 years ago... does not know me now and cannot really know me just because they take a gander at my facebook every now and again and get into an argument with me about my beliefs.
I can be elitist to some degree... I do not believe in debasing myself or my beliefs by spiraling down into a name calling diatribe to get my point across.  If that is elitist, so be it.  I will proudly wear that name.  What will end up is that I post more on here and less on facebook about things I am passionate about.

The Lost Art of Friendship

I can be overwhelmingly old fashioned.  Funny as it is, with my multiple computers, gaming systems, high tech gadgets covering the house... there are parts of my personality which hearken back to (as much as I hate to admit it) a "simpler time" as it were.  Perhaps I am the epitome of that character in so many 19th century novels which fills her heads with books and creates this ideal of people that in the end, is too much for any common person to handle.  At the same time, I also believe that somewhere in the realm of humanity, there are others like me who have standards, which while are very high... have merit and value.  
My first encounter with it had to be Little Women or  Anne of Green Gables...  the idea of the bosom friend, the kindred spirit...the other half of the whole in friendship who, regardless of the obstacles or the odds...would cherish you as a friend and be there no matter what...  It is an utterly romantic notion.  Beth and Jo... Anne and Diana and later in my life... Jane Eyre and Helen Burns... a bond, a closeness that was without obstacle, no matter how harsh the consequences, friendship for them meant everything and they would risk life and limb to protect the other.


I've never had one of those friends.  It's some sort of romantic fantasy at this point.  Now, I don't truly count family in this... my husband and I are more times than not...two peas in a pod, but he is my husband and bias.  LOL.  As I get older though, I realize I have fewer and fewer friends.  This is a personal choice, I think I have stopped caring to put on appearances to make people happy... I am who I am, flaws and all, I am pig headed, strong willed, emotional, outspoken, slightly selfish, a bit haughty, and... relentless, but I am me and if you can't accept me for all of it, then what is the point anyway?  


I think, truly though...there is once incident that really solidified it for me... and it was a very long time ago and since then, I've had this view of friendship unbending...that if you cant stick your neck out for your friend...you might as well not be their friend at all.


I was in middle school, a shy, unsure of myself and awkward girl of 13 who was highly intelligent for my age but not as much emotionally developed.  My parents put me in a private middle school which was the worst fit possible for me...not very academic, focused on sports and status and with a high level of what we would now call the "redneck" factor... uncultured, I stuck out like a sore thumb.  I tried now.. I became a cheerleader, I ran track, I played softball...to no avail.  No boys liked me, I got kicked in class by other kids, picked on, and shunned.  I had one school friend who had also come over with me from Elementary school, we were close friends... we still talk now... she lived right down the road... but we weren't close friends at school.  She would always tell me we could hang out at her house but not at school...she didn't want her friends to give her a hard time for hanging out with me.  So... there were parties I wasn't invited to, things I got left out of and yet, I stayed a loyal and good friend... because we hung out constantly at her house or mine...away from school of course.


Years later... a more confident person... I would have never even allowed for such a slight, if someone doesn't want to be my friend 24/7....then they are not worth it.  But... I now hold people to pretty rigid standards.  If you cant be there when its easy and when its hard, then I would rather not have you there at all.   I want the true friends... the Diana Barrys, the Jo Marchs, and the Helen Burns of the world.... 

man

I shouldnt argue on the internet, I should know better...
Im starting to hate people.

being sick all the time gets old.

Thoughts

I wonder when older generations will realize that age doesn't always necessarily mean correct.

Things Will Be Better in the Morning

We say, when we have a bad day or are having a bad time... things will be better in the morning.  I think generally it means with some times, problems are not as bleak as they seem to be initially and perhaps in some cases that is true.
I am non-violet, passive, diplomatic.
I have studied countless wars while trying to obtain a history degree and each one of them seem like a band-aid on top of a problem, save one or two.  Modern War resembles that more and more so, whenever I hear about war, violence, the idea of going somewhere and risking our soldiers, I think back about how successful that may be, what are our goals, why are we doing it and what may be the outcome in the long run... and recently, the cons outweigh the pros by dozens and dozens.

I have heard, often, from people I esteem as highly intelligent, that sometimes you have to fight to get things done, but what does fight mean?  Does it mean lashing out in a bellicose manner with violence, or does it mean standing up for what you believe in at all costs.  Today, above all days, I think about the gift of passive, the gift of  non-violence, and the things that it has brought us.  Martin Luther King Jr. would not resort to violence, regardless of the outcome and he, along with many other brave men and women, changed our country.  If something like that, in the middle of the hate filled 1950s and 60s (racial wise), can work... I think there is a great hope for our country, whose population has proven that it can change if given enough chance to grow and those who fought the good fight didn't give up and remained steadfast, speaking the reason that penetrates the brain and changes the senses.

It is my hope today, in a very polarized country...
Things will be better in the morning.

WInter

I think there are moments when I would like winter.  I enjoy the snow and the look of the thing, but being here and having an inability to get about is troublesome.  That and the cold and moisture makes everything ache something terrible.  So, I am up at 5:31 AM sore as all get out wondering why on earth its icing outside.
no snow... ice and icky cold wet ice.
Just going to make crap out of my day.


I also hate sickness, illness, people in pain or hurting... especially those I care about.
ITs a horrible horrible thing and I wish that no one I loved ever had to ensure pain or illness.

Thoughts

I have often said that music to me is the closest to Modern Poetry I think I like... lyrical genius and all that jazz gets to me.
I can listen to a song sometimes and picture the story in my head, its fun.


My next venture into cooking will be a Chocolate Meringue Pie.  Today I made a home made chicken soup for stephen since he was sick.


1 large container chicken stock
8 cups of water
Juice of one lemon
2 celery stalks chopped
2 carrots chopped
1 onion chopped
2 garlic cloves chopped
2 tablespoons paprika
2 tablespoons black pepper
1 tablespoon salt
1 package of egg noodles
1 large chicken breast chopped into small pieces.
oregano, rosemary, thyme, parsley 


Combine all of these (save noodles) and cook for about an hour.  After an hour of cooking on medium, add in egg noodles and cook for another 10 - 12 minutes.  Serve with good Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches!

Irish Soda Bread

Stephen and I watched Julie and Julia tonight, which is a movie I absolutely adore...and had to force Stephen to watch.  I think he started to like it, though he will not admit it as he plays Assassin's Creed and protests to watch the random straight to DVD release with a half naked woman in the cover art.