One Final Down
Two to Go
One paper to Finish...
And I will be one step closer to graduation.

Frustration

We live in a world of "I've got mine."  It is not a nice world to live in if for some reason you are poor or suffering, but those who could often do something about that revert back to "I've got mine" the first change they get.  I will admit, I was at one point oblivious  and I spent more money on a pair of jeans than some people get in a month, but I do try now...to be different and to be honest, part of that is selfish.
I never thought I would be unable to get proper medical care or medication.  I think to myself, we live in the richest country in the world...I'll never have to worry about that.  I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis when I was twenty-seven years old.  Six years later, I struggle with it, its hard, it makes me sick, the medications make me sicker... but I would rather take those medications than be cripple or unable to do the things I like to do.
Never have I been so sick that I had to often deal with health insurance companies...until now and its the worst experience ever.
Having to validate your need for medication to someone who has no knowledge of the medical field...is crippling.  Because Insurance companies and medication companies are for profit entities, they dont want to pay for the medication I get.  They dont want to have to fork out 2k a month for shots that may possibly stop me from becoming cripple down the road...and because of that, they make it impossible to get the medication you need, wear you down, beat you up, so you will give up and just stop trying.
My insurance company just did that... after denying my shots twice (shots that help me stay functional), I finally got them approved for a year...only to go to pick them up last week and get told that they were denied again. When calling the insurance company, I found out they changed our policy in January and made it to where in order to get my medication I have to go ot a certain pharmacy, get a 90 day supply prescribed and get them sent to me in the mail in bulk.  In order to do that, I have to go back to my doctor, get a new prescription, get it approved again and then drop 120 dollars at once just for the one medication to keep it going (thats if they approve it).  Its disheartening to see that a corporate company can decide whether or not I stay sick.

Muffled sounds flowing through rusted screens
The birds lofted high in their branches
Call down to the world below
It is Spring
And the clouds of ominous gray
clutter up the blue
hiding behind
longing to get out
All is new
Small buds of pink and yellow
Struggling to break free
And bloom
It is Spring

Oh Buddy...

I will be so glad when this semester is over.  I have two finals and a paper...THE PAPER to go.  I just got my rough draft back today and it was a kindly slap to the face, now I have to pick up my ego and fix all the problems.
bleh

Abbey

My Dog abby died today, It was one of the worst things I've ever gone through, I dont wish that on anyone.
I am completely drained.

There was a great wind

it stretched its fingers out

toying with banners of gold and red

Men and boys stood straight

watching in awe and admiration

The smell of the sea lingered in the senses

and she reigned

above them all

shouting down her adversary 

over the crashing of the waves

white crested and enraged 

slamming against the darkened cliffs

just a pebbles throw away

I feel lessened when I shudder

weak when I cry out

beaten by something so simple

unseen by the eye

my namesake

a bulwark of strenght

I want to stand tall as well

and yet I falter

as the Spanish ships broke apart

in bloodthirsty waters

swelling with rage

and engulfing the brave in the folds

were I the mistress of Albion

unscathed by my opponent 

I would resist 

I could fight

But my own blood flows against me

sucking away the iron will

and leaving frailty

Broken sails fallen

the invisible storm

a literal typhoon 

words cannot suppress

no fight can quash

I am conquered

Crunch Time

It is the end of hopefully my last Spring Semester at MSC.  I am in crunch time and I am so ready to be done with these classes.
I want to just do well and get it over with, sooo stressed out.

Sometimes I feel like I dont know half of the people I'm around.

Poem

A blunt blow to the head
stark and forceful
drilling into my temple
the deepest shade of red
ill humors escape
or do they
my blue eyes seem clouded
pale
distant
corpse like
there is a ringing
oddly shrill and unsettling
my vision is blurred
and I cannot hear the words
you whisper
it is cold in this place
deep blues and darkened purples
swimming in a shadowed sea
of gray
im numb

:(

I am so tired of being sick all the time.
That is all.

Photos Moving

This page will no longer be a photo dump, I have created a photo blog for photos...
http://fariequeenesphotos.blogspot.com/

Please follow!!!

Starstruck

One of the most exciting things I did in New York involved going to see a show on Broadway.  Adam (because he is awesome) endured the pain of a musical and took me to see Phantom of the Opera (which was amazing).  I had to snag a pic of the street sign.

Rainforest

I have the windows open tonight as the cool spring breeze comes in my windows and I work on schoolwork on the couch.  I've been sick all day, it hasn't been a great day.  I had a few people aggravated at me because I won an award...it was odd, I didn't do anything, I didn't ask for an award and they were angry at me because I won it, so I tried to get my mind off of that and onto something else.
I heard the buzzing of the bugs outside and I thought about the Coqui frog in Puerto Rico.  This frog has a very distinct sound and you can only find it in Puerto Rico.  When you stood out on the balcony at night, you just listened to a symphony of sounds with the waves of the ocean behind you, the rustling of the wind through the vast trees in the mountains surrounding you...bird, bugs, and the Coqui frog.
I grew to love that sound.
My favorite thing I did in Puerto Rico was go to that rainforst and despite stupid diseases and pain, climb a mountain in a rainforest.
Click here to listen to the frog.

Oldie but a goodie

As this has become a photo blog, which I am totally awesomely cool about (with the occasional angry rant...I cant help it)  I am going to add some of my older stuff, like the photos I took in Puerto Rico last year.

What I love about this is the multiple elements.  The photograph was taken at the Fort in old San Juan, Puerto Rico the day after the country's biggest gas refinery explosions on the coast.  So...beyond the walls of the 4 century old fort, the 19th century buildings of Old San Juan, and the parking decks of the modern era...past the mountains and the telephone lines, there is this huge fire seemingly attacking the sky...and the small Puerto Rican flag in the center, it was an insane day.

Frustration

     Perhaps it is stupid to believe that people can think rationally in this day and age.  We are so insistent on joining a team, having a side, that we forget points, ideals, truths, and beliefs in order to remain on the side we are comfortable on.  Politics is no longer about what you believe is right for your country...but if you are in a red or a blue state, democrat or republican, conservative or liberal...its not about whats good for the country, whats right for the people, or just having an opinion.  Too many people get caught up in the sides that they forget what on earth they dont like about the other side in the first place.
I think the generation of my discontent or disillusionment with politics as a whole comes with the fact that daily I get called an American hating communist.  It infuriates me.  I love my country, I just have a different view than some on how that country should prosper and what our constitution says.  



Section 8 - Powers of Congress
The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States; but all Duties, Imposts and Excises shall be uniform throughout the United States;


I don't think reading that and believing that when it says providing for the general welfare of our country that means...ensuring that people when they are dying can get medical care and not have to pay 2 thousand dollars a month for medications to keep them healthy...is wrong.
And even if it is against what someone else believes, I dont think that makes me some sort of Nazi or Communist because those are strong labels and without understanding fully those definitions in context...saying that about someone just because they believe in some sense of social responsibility is wrong.
And its not just that...
politics is not the only arena lately where stuff like this is permeating...
I work with at least two people who boast about how much of a Christian they are, but call Obama the anti-christ, a socialist, Hitler, a Muslim, condemn homosexuals, call me a communist, call me a heathen, and worse just because I don't agree with them.  They talk about how its not their job to pay for lazy people when dealing with healthcare and then I wonder who on earth they think they worship on a daily basis as Christians...
It infuriates me because regardless of how my viewpoints may differ, I cant fathom watching people suffer, I cant fathom telling a gay person they are bad people just because who they deem to love, and I cannot for the life of me understand how it is ok to strive to live under the tenants of a person who loved everyone and accepted everyone and call anyone they disagree with nasty names and label them.
I think, and I will always think that I see more of this negative sentiment because of where I live but...its hard to sit in the midst of so much ignorance, intolerance, and racism and not attempt to fight back.

Statues

I loved all of the greek and roman statues we got to see at the Met, this is one of the millions of pictures I took of them.  :)

More Pics

The New York Public Library

This is the famous lion at the NYPL, I was enthralled.

And of course, I had to get my picture with one, duh.  I am a book nerd.


The coolest thing about the Library actually was the exhibit they had on old maps of the area and the Voltaire exhibit which had the original manuscript of Candide.

The city at night was awesome, and I liked walking around in the midst of all of it.
Much more fun than watching a movie in black and white that is cheesy.

Today

     We spend so much time rushing through our lives.  I am a perfect example... I always seem to have five different things to do and never enough time to do it, but lately the biggest excuse for ignorance is... I don't have time to check this, I dont have time to read that, I dont have time to study this...I'm just going to base my opinion and say things even though I'm uninformed.


Today in the illustrious Macon Telegraph (which is quite possibly the sorriest excuse for a newspaper on the planet), a couple wrote in...
(this was published IN PRINT MIND YOU)

Comparisons

Seventeen thousand new IRS agents. Hello, police state (and how many are on the payroll already?) Krystal Nacht — anyone recall that travesty? Jewish merchants had their stores and contents smashed all over Germany on that infamous night. Americans had their government operation, tradition, law making rules smashed and civility ignored. Before our very eyes we saw vote buying, we saw representatives of the people abandon their principles (if they ever had any). We saw a so-called health bill passed by intimidation. Its control, not health, the Democrats were seeking and they got it.

We feel sorry and embarrassed for the American Jewish population who voted 90 percent for the Obama administration. The same goes for the Catholic population who voted 54 percent for Obama. Listen for the knock on your door. Had enough?

— Alicia and Dan Callahan

Centerville

I hate to judge, I really do... I mean to be honest I think its wrong to pass judgment on people most of the time, but ignorance is just that...ignorance.
The incident in which they were speaking was called Kristallnacht and it was a night in which Nazi pogroms against Jews went about and smashed all the shop windows of Jewish business owners and this act was a precursor to the devastation which followed throughout the late 30s and during WWII.  To even lower the memory of the people who died throughout the terrifying events of the Holocaust by using this bad comparison to make a half assed political statement sickens me....people died, moms, dads, kids..died.  
I am sorry, but history is soo vastly important because people like this above me...exist.
and it scares me.

Happy Easter

What better way to express Modern Art by something so vastly open to interpretation.  I don't know why but this exhibit really interested me.  Throughout the course of the day, if you went by.. different people would be staring at each other in silence at this table while the world watched.

Midnight Oil and a Photo from the MOMA

I will have to admit, Modern art has won me over after years of rejecting it.  Our trip to the MOMA on our last day there  was awesome...we walked through the rain to get there and it was so worth the trip.

Since I did skip one day... I have two today

I really loved this one of Adam...

I think he and I were meant for the city.

For a long time the air was cold.
Brisk and unrelentingly shrill
stark and harsh daily
Everything felt depressed and heavy.
I want to love the winter
with its gray skies and white blankets
and yet
the evocation of solace is sometimes too hard to bear.
Looking outside my window now
I see greens and blues and lilacs
even the sickening yellow dust that shrouds everything
is warming
inviting
hopeful
The sun has cast a light and run off the shadows
at least outside
through that window

Pic of the Day

This little gem was taken at the American Museum of Natural History because Adam loves rhinos and the museum has an amazing array of animal depictions.  so I had to take it, thus my new pic of the day.

A New Feature

Im going to daily post a pic from NY (if I remember)

This is from Starry Night...yea THE Starry Night

It was amazing to see this picture so close, I loved it.  I had to push my way through but eventually I got up this close and took the pictures of the texture... Van Gough, right in front of me.
Amazing.

I am thinking about some pretty good things right now as there are things in the world trying to bring me down, this made me smile.