Annoyed

It is hard to let someone have an opinion when it feels wrong. I'm stubborn, more stubborn than anyone I know and while I understand everyone is entitled to an opinion, some opinions are just bad.

My school newspaper is called The Macon Statement. It is a small publication, but it gets around the school. The front inside page of the paper is reserved for editorial space and today a Rev. Fuller wrote a piece about homosexuals. While proclaiming that Homosexuals were people too and we need to love the "person" not the "act"... he also said he believed that homosexuals were biologically homosexual and that not all biological tendencies are good and homosexuals should know theirs is wrong and just not do it. He compared homosexuals to pedophiles and those who partake in beastiality and that...deeply offended me. His evidence for how wrong homosexuals was the simplistic "When the bible speaks of homosexual acts, it condemns them." and that was it...

In all truth, you may not like what a person does...but I tell you this, I have a hard time thinking that a person is lost from God just because they love someone of the same gender... to be perfectly honest... I think God has much more important things to worry about than if a man's sexual partner is another man.

I could, poke enormous holes in this guy's article sure enough... like the biological claim... if homosexuality is biological, if a person has a natural tendency to be attracted to the same sex... then if you are a Christian, do you not believe that God made humans, made them completely and if God naturally placed a proclivity for the same sex in some people, is that somehow a mistake on God's part? I don't think so...

Also... comparing someone who wants to have any sort of relations sexual or otherwise with a consenting adult of the same gender to someone who forces themselves sexually on a child or an animal... is just irresponsible, disrespectful, and a blatant attempt to turn someone's life choice into simple depraved degeneration...

I just don't understand why some try so very hard to completely demean someone just because they are different.

Healthcare

Dear selfish politicians who only think about votes and getting re-elected...

I have a disease, I work because I need good health care...

Doing that makes me feel worse.

Please stop being so selfish and think about the people you are paid to represent...

pass healthcare for your population, a sick nation is not a productive one.

Research Development

The last few weeks have been slightly rough. School and work have not worked out well due to the fact that I am attempting on some days to go to school all day and then pull an eight hour shift until 11 pm and not making it home until almost midnight...and being away from home for 14 hours out of the day is not fun at all. I have to study at school, sit at school more hours than I would like and then jaunt off to work for a long shift...and I miss my house, my husband, and the comfort of being somewhere personal. It is not easy, but... I can do this, I can finish.

On a more positive educational front, I am starting to really get into the senior project I am working on currently regarding Colonial charter development in the 16th, 17th and early 18th centuries. While the research is in the beginning phases to say the least, I am thoroughly happy with what I have found thus far and find myself falling more and more in love with the dynamics of charters and how they dictate what can and cannot be done in a British colonial settlement. Perhaps here, I will slowly update through the process and what I find, if anyone reads this blasted thing anyway lol.

Right now...

I am focusing on the 1584 Charter awarded to Sir Humfrey Gilbert by the crown to explore outside the bounds of the realm of England, the charter is very vague and gives Gilbert a great deal of birth and power in his expeditions... it is amazing how much was given to the early explorers and how finite such allowances become by the time entire Royal colonies are created in the late 17th and early 18th centuries.

I've been feeling sickly the last few days and I really don't want my facebook or my conversation to be centered around me feeling like crap, even if I do. A combination of working some pretty grueling shifts which include all physical style labor (ive been doing returns which consists of boxing up 40lb boxes of books we send back to the publisher, taping them up, and picking them up one at a time and hauling them to the area where they are stored for 8 hours), school being back in session and learning to cope with days where I go to class at 930 to 12:15 and then go work until 11 PM some days and then go to class half the afternoon on others, as well as attempting to do Tae Kwon Do (Which is totally my choice) for some exercise... I feel like total ass. But... I feel so guilty because so what, I feel like ass and yet there are people with no homes and no food and dying on the street somewhere and im whining because my stupid ass disease is acting up a bit.

But...

its how I feel.

Im really frustrated because I take my shots...but I refuse to take the other crap that makes me sick...

I WILL NOT take methotrexate again....that stuff is disgusting and it makes me so unhappy, sick...losing my hair...im only 33...

I dont want to take my pain pills, they make me sick to my stomach but, its 3 am and im sitting on the couch miserable because I hurt, I cant sleep, and I dont want to get in the bed, toss and turn and wake up Adam crying like I have twice this week.

Bleh...

This is stupid and I feel even more stupid for having my own personal pity party.

School is Back...

I feel like school is hating on me for being away for a few weeks by piling up homework I have no way to finish.

Lets see...

Three Chapters for Modern Europe

8 pages of work for French

a Chapter and some research for Burson

and starting on a book I have a review due for in two weeks for Zim...

did I mention all my classes have only met once.

YES SCHOOL!

I know it will be worth it, I know many have it worse, Im just feeling a bit overwhelmed as usual.

Gossip

I loathe gossip.

I loathe those who gossip and try to get into other people's business.

I find that it is hard to deal with people who spend all of their time concerned with other people's lives. When you look at it, they must lead very empty lives of their own...

Granted none of these immature "grown ups" are giving me problems, but I am a party to the havoc they are causing for others and it aggravates me and thus I am removing myself from the association of some people... not immediate friends but those kind of in a group...

I dont like it and I wont be in the midst of such destructive and immature behavior.

When it Rains...

I stayed up until around three in the morning working on the papers I had due today. With zeal and determination, I hashed out everything and by 3 AM, I finally finished my last bit of work due for the semester. Thinking I finally was able to poke my head above the clouds, I went to bed...setting my alarm for 9 AM, so I could get to my final early and prepare before taking my final...coming home...and finishing up the last take home final I have due on Thursday...

But as I am prone to the oddest luck... when I got ready to leave, I found my car keys safely locked inside my car...in the dashboard, where I had left them from mine and Adam's trip to Florida. Now, it was my fault, I forgot to get them out before Adam left for work this morning, but the outcome is... I am stuck at home with no way to get to my final.

I have an amazing professor though who offered to let me take the Final on Wednesday, at 9 AM. I will be there, with bells on, happily awaiting the final exam...such is life, such is what shall be...its just a pain in the butt and I stood there at my door as it started to rain this morning and went... REALLY???

But...

its a test, that I missed, that I will get to make up.

I sat down, had a moment, took a deep breath like my Professor suggested...and decided to make a cake.

My mother makes the MOST AMAZING sour cream poundcake in the world. You would have to taste it to understand... I could eat pieces of that cake no matter if I were hungry or not and I just so happen to have all the ingredients sitting around my kitchen. So, instead of freaking out about those things I cannot control, I calmed down and made a cake.

It may be gloomy outside, but I'm gonna cheer it up around here.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Today I am cheerful because I can see the light at the end of the Fall Semester tunnel. I have one and a half papers and a take home final...and one in class final and I am finished for Fall 09. What this means... Spring 10, Summer 10, and Fall 10 and I will have completed my Bachelor's of History.

It is a small step really because over the next year I have to...

1. Take the GRE

2. Apply to Grad School

3. Get into a Grad School

4. Figure out how I am going to go to Grad School

BUT... its getting somewhere.

IF I can complete grad school in 3 years tops and my PHD in 2, I will have my PHD by the time I am 38. I feel like I am starting very late, but I don't know... when I start talking about history and realizing what all the subject does for me and others... I know it is where I need to be.

I am on the right path, I just have to stay on it no matter what.

I wont be a sellout like that Robert Frost guy. ;)

Humanity

We spend our lives trying to sway people to what we believe. There is nothing wrong with that, its perfectly natural...human and we are all human.

I had someone attempt to tell me tonight that we are not all human, or not all equally human at least and it disturbed me so very much... I wanted to shake the person and say NO...LISTEN TO YOURSELF...but what would that prove really?

I was accused of being politically correct tonight because I said I wanted to be respectful of all ethnicities and I would not agree that different ethnicities means lesser/more human...

This guy, as nice as he may be on a social level.. is a racist, a bigot, a person who looks at someone who is not white and thinks they are lesser than he...and that is, without a doubt, disgusting.

Its sad to me... that you can look at another person and see anything but another human being.

Why is it so easy to separate everyone out into neat little groups...so we can diminish them, push them to the side, or make ourselves better?

He tried to tell me science could prove different ethnicities should stay with each other because genetically its good for you...and when I argued the bad side of social darwinism, he said I was being political...

but... is it politics to think all people are equal?

This guy has always seemed to be as a bright, intelligent, and nice person...

but then there is this...giant elephant now...racist, judgmental... wrong... and I think to myself... why?

How do people turn into this?

And of course... im leftist, liberal, a communist, a fascist... because I wont agree that we should separate ethnicities and

"its true that some races are better at some things than others..."

NO NO NO...thats just wrong, and ignorant, and wrong...

but calling someone stupid wont change anything.

The world is a complicated place...some of the arguments I heard tonight reminded me of the racial testing done back in the 50s to legitimize Jim Crowe in America, or the things the Nazis were doing to the Jews or the mentally disabled in Germany in the 1930s and 1940s...

I cannot look at another human being regardless of their race, creed, or faith and see anything except a human being...

Its heartbreaking to know people think the way this guy does and I couldnt really open up about it on facebook...but I had to get it out, because I'm screaming about it on the inside.

Frustrated

Sometimes I think I need a new set of friends, who are a bit more adult, a bit more attentive, I don't know...but recently I have been thinking about that a lot.

When you get older, life is busy, there are so many factors that weigh in on your day and it would be good to know when the day is done that you don't have to be the one doing the calling/texting/inviting to see the people you think are your friends...that maybe the would call/text/invite you.

I think I'm gonna stop and if people contact me, well then I know they are friends and if they don't oh well.