Too Much!

A little over five months after the birth of my son and I can be honest and say that I am not exactly happy with my body and that discomfort, along with some serious concern over health and the habits we want to pass on to Aiden... has led to some diet changes and more exercise in the Wilson household.  These are good changes and I am glad that we are eating healthier and taking care of ourselves, but I had a small moment tonight when someone I know on a social media site basically posted a link to a blog that called anyone who struggled with weight lazy and "shitty" eaters.  

The top picture is of me in 2010 during a trip to NYC, it is what I would consider my normal weight, around 110 lbs, and honestly when I was most comfortable with my body, the bottom picture is a few days ago on a trip to Florida.  I am only 11 pounds heavier in the bottom photograph than I am in the top, and only after 5 months of pregnancy... I thought I was on the road to getting back to where I am comfortable  (note: I said comfortable... I do not believe everyone has to weigh 100 lbs and look like a stick to be healthy, much the opposite, but I do think its important to be Healthy and comfortable and while some may think that I am fine the way I am... I am not comfortable, and that is important too).  Another bit of honesty, although every ounce of weight I gained during my pregnancy is worth it 100%, this bottom photograph upset me SOOO Much when I saw how I looked in it.  I won't lie and pretend I was happy when that is not the case... It is just not how I want to be... although that little man is ADORABLE is he not?

So I am struggling to get back to that top picture, and it will happen, I know it will happen, but it does not happen over night and it is not easy, at times...its rather distressing.  

I will not buy myself clothes, I do not like ANY clothes I own right now... I refuse to wear anything form fitting because its embarrassing...and I have never in my life had as much of a problem with the way I look as I do now... so tonight... when someone posted something pretty nasty about anyone who did not look like a bikini model, it just really hurt my feelings.

I found myself in tears over a stupid blog post calling people who were overweight lazy.

I felt as if this person was pointing a finger at me and calling me lazy for being that bottom picture, when I already felt like crap about it.

Then I realized, while it is just fine to want to be healthy, fit into your old jeans, and pass on healthy eating habits to your child... it is not OK to feel like crap because someone who feels it is necessary to berate anyone bigger than they are....

I am going to keep working towards being comfortable.  I will eat healthy, exercise, and be happy with my little family and try really hard not to think ill of a person who feels like it is OK to put down people who are overweight or lash out at the Abercrombie & Fitch Scandal with faux disdain because she cannot shot at Lane Bryant....

I am going to try really hard to keep a positive attitude and not break down because someone was being insensitive... but it doesn't mean I won't occasionally slip up and get upset.  Tonight was a slip-up and warranted or not... I just want to remind people that the people you criticize for being "lazy" or "shitty eaters" just because they do not weigh 98 lbs and compete in bikini competitions ... are people, and they have hangups, priorities, and their own crap to deal with and sometimes that stuff gets in the way.  I think its about being comfortable with who you are... and while I believe it is important, vitally important to be healthy... that does not always mean being a rail.  

I feel better after a soak and calming down, but I cannot pretend that the sort of criticism didn't hit me personally or hurt quite a bit and while a part of me wants to say it does not matter if I am the top picture anymore... it is important to be comfortable with who you are... and I can work towards that and not be miserable.